Since I got the Monbukagakusho results back in late November, I've been very unmotived with my Japanese studies, which shouldn't happen considering that I'm starting my last year at the Japanese course. I just couldn't help it, losing for a second your goal is too easy in this world full of difficulties. I spent a month and half away from anything related to Japanese stuff - I couldn't listen to Japanese music, neither watch Japanese drama and I didn't even answer my Japanese friends' messages - one of them thought something serious happened to me and was worried, such a cutie.
Reprovations can change lifes, you know. Even if you know there's a slightly chance of being reproved, you just don't want to think about it otherwise you may get reproved by thinking too much. Reprovations make us think more deeply about ourselves and our future, what now? Should I try it again or leave it there, try something new? Give up? Do I really want it from the bottom of my heart or it was just a passing desire? I've been thinking a lot about those questions and I think I found the answer - if it's the right one or not it's entirely up to you.
There's no doubt in my heart that I love studying Japanese. I wouldn't be the same person I am today if I didn't became a Japan lover 9 years ago. I can say that my love for Japan and its culture and people dictates everything in my life. For example, I probably wouldn't be majoring in International Relations if it I wasn't for Japan - I really want to do research related to Japan & I can't wait for the day I'll be able to do it at university, I'll be so fulfilled. I love this country and everything related to it so much that I can't see myself going anywhere that doesn't take me there. Everything I did until today was a part of my journey to Japan. I can't just give up and walk away. I can't give up on the journey I put so much effort into. I can't act like my biggest dream was been erased of my life like it was nothing and I definitely won't do it.
Nothing worth it comes easy and I should already know it by now. The day I go to Japan will be one of the happiest days in my life and I know that, when it happens, I'll think that the waiting and all the effort was worth it and that I'd do everything again. I'll be proud of myself. I'll be grateful to every single person who helped me along this journey. So, yep, I found myself again. I found the Rebecca that don't give up just because she got reproved, the one who finds straight on every step.
2017 will be challeging as every year is. I'll do my best and when I say that, I'm serious. So, here are some goals for this year: 1) I'll take the JLPT. Last year, I talked with my teacher about taking the exam and she said that the N3 level will be easy for me. But I don't need easy, I just need possible. That's why I'll study for JLPT N2 - upper-intermediate level. I have an entire year to go and I'll try my best to get myself prepared for the exam. I know I can do it because being approved depends only of me, my effort to take some time every day to study. Everything is about dedication. 2) National Speech Contest AGAIN and this time, let's try the 1st place. 3) Study more about Japan politics, society and economics. I should use my major as an excuse to study those subjects. 4) Get into the Asian Studies Lab at my university.
As Nelson Mandela once said, it seems impossible until it's done. In 2017, I'll continue fighting for my dreams.
Ready, set, go.